


Put a Crown on and Call Him the Fool King

by Yotsubadancesintherain5



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dark Comedy, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 13:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yotsubadancesintherain5/pseuds/Yotsubadancesintherain5
Summary: The judgement of someone crowned with the title, "The Mad Titan," should be questioned.





	Put a Crown on and Call Him the Fool King

There was a planet that needed to cull its population. There were always planets that needed to cull populations and it was frankly getting irritating.

That was the gist of the report that the ambassador of Himnaphea received. His name would have been far too long to list, and would seem like mere gibberish, so his Earth name was Jeff.

Jeff was sent to speak with this possible invader, only because it would become a nuisance if the waxing moon festival was delayed by some brute raider with too much time on their hands and not enough gold in their pockets.

The invader had the decency to go to the palace before such an atrocity could be made. The palace’s delicate roof shook with every step and Jeff smiled more toothily than what was natural. The invader’s soldiers were unnerving.

“Welcome to Himnaphea,” he said to the tentative guest. Jeff did have to hold back a chuckle at this stranger’s appearance. He looked like a purple version of the Earth’s famous snack, the ruffle.

Jeff put a mental note to request a bag of this snack before the waxing moon festival.

“What are your grievances, honored guest?” Jeff asked with extra silver in his tongue. “If you require gold we can certainly exchange it for some of your goods.”

“You do not have enough resources,” the stranger said. “There is a great imbalance at work.”

“Oh, that, my dear guest,” Jeff replied. “There is a ritual for all Himnapheans. Every year during the annual waxing moon festival we experience a natural death. Our elders, who have experienced this for many years, are graced with true death and are given to the soil. The rest of us are restored by the following triple sun and we awaken and rejoice with food and drink.”

“But there is not enough food or drink.”

“Of course,” Jeff said. “We pay our reparations for the traders early in the year, to ensure that we will have the food and drink for the celebration. We then fast for the month before the waxing moon festival. Are you aware of what happens when you enter death with a full stomach?”

 “Most embarrassing,” Jeff said after a pause.

“Where is this food and drink?”

“Our trading ports are very rich,” Jeff said. “Our freezing caves provide rich minerals. Our textile work is nothing short of glorious. It is enough that we can devote our fields to textile materials. But of course, we have multiple storage room for excess food and drink if we should need it.”

The stranger’s brow furrowed. “No. We shall commence our plan of bringing your planet back to balance.”

Jeff’s smile twitched. He watched as the invader rallied his troops to wipe out half of the population.

At the very least there were the caves to preserve the corpses until the waxing moon festival.

**Author's Note:**

> Considering that Thanos wiped out half of the flora and fauna in his attempted to double the resources (and instead of doing something OTHER than literal, galaxy-wide genocide) he more than likely squashes other planets' complex problems or solutions in his own "Nope, gotta kill half of everyone" box.
> 
> I mean he's not called the, "Thinks Things Through Titan."


End file.
